Public opinion to be banned

After the recent departure of Danyl from X Factor I am once again questioning the mental stability of the British population, and I do not stand alone. Gordon Brown is also considering a close inspection into the legality of public opinion.

Brown had previously toyed with the idea of banning public opinion after certain events, namely questionable voting earlier in the hit TV show, had rendered Danyl in the bottom two (whilst Lloyd and ‘Jedward’ remained).

Unfortunately, if Brown were to ban public opinion of certain members of society, he will have essentially shot his political career not so much in the foot but rather in the head, as it is those with questionable opinion that vote Labour anyway. A fact he himself admits; ‘After all it was popular misguided opinion that got us into power in the first place’ Brown scoffed, ‘and look where that’s got us.’[1]

X Factor can provide myriad examples of misplaced British opinion: Leon actually won; Cheryl Cole becoming popular (even though the same cannot be said for Dannii Minogue, which actually bolsters my faith in public opinion somewhat); and becoming a common theme of this blog ‘Jedward’[2], (no explanation necessary)

I am all for banning the majority of public opinion as I could not bear to read such moronic claims as ‘The truth is Eric Cantona was over rated’[3] ever again, even if it is a joke.

It is scientifically proven that Eric Cantona was the greatest football player ever; the matter is not subjective, these things never are we just like them to be.

[1] I might have made that quotation up entirely.
[2] With constant referral to the twins I have had to reluctantly add ‘Jedward’ to my Microsoft Word dictionary – leading to more undeserved exposure.
[3] Opinion (if you can call it that) courtesy of theginge.com.

God Idol: Deities or just talentless ass holes? You Decide!

LONDON - ITV have announced their latest project: the ‘deitistic’ talent show God Idol where entrants will be invited from all the major world religions to battle it out on stage to settle the oldest and most frought argument, whose God is the least of an asshole.

Buddha is the bookies favourite to go first, because like the religion his performances don’t actually involve doing anything. He does have some hope though as the British public always seem to have an affection for a fat bloke with his shirt off and one audience member quoted ‘that he was just such a lovely guy.’ This was reiterated by the man himself because similarly to Rick Waller before him, he was just happy to be there.

One of the much discussed topics concerned was who the Judaeo-Christian God would be representing. This was all settled as he decided to send his Son to represent Christianity (a decision that fell flat on its face once before), whilst God admitted that all the stuff he used to do, such as flooding the earth, summoning plagues of locusts, and engulfing the Egyptians in a tidal wave, were just much more fun. Having said this the Jewish God is unlikely to fair well as most Jews are now more interested in facebook and eating out most nights of the week than they are their religion.

Jesus as ever was milking his situation, Amanda Holden who was already crying burst into yet more tears when Jesus said he never knew his dad, spent his younger years in rigorous manual labour, only to be crucified by those he was just trying to get in with. Even though Jesus’ sob story gained him a number of votes in the first weeks his arrogance later in the show has lost him a lot of popularity. Reports claim that on the night when there were technical areas concerning the stage and lights, Jesus quipped: ‘I’m the guy who walked on water, you think I need a fucking stage?’

Just some of the acts: people are already getting bored with Buddha’s eating acts; Tom Cruise has had to call on some old characters to boost his popularity as well as his credibility; and many are questioning if Jesus is getting more time with the choreographers than the other contestants. Other acts include: Islam’s Allah and the audience can expect fireworks; Scientology have sent Tom Cruise who offers dramatic performances; do not expect them to win; and Sikhism… who cares?

Just some of the acts: people are already getting bored with Buddha’s eating acts; Tom Cruise has had to call on some old characters to boost his popularity as well as his credibility; and many are questioning if Jesus is getting more time with the choreographers than the other contestants.

Introduction and the Downfall of Popular Culture

John and Edward were actually written about in the Bible under the names Cain and Abel.

So (twiddling my thumbs), what should I blog about? Well, as it is my first, it is going to be a bit introductory, but I will try my best to get my literary teeth into something of substance.

Question: What are my blogs going to be about? Answer: Everything from rants about 'Jedward', to discussions about religion, art, film, etcetera, and coming full circle to rants about Louis Walsh. I only hope that my blogs share mutual tendencies: originality, insight, wit, creativity, rationality, but most importantly intrigue.

What is this literary pugilist going for first then?

Popular culture and the state of British society. I have serious discrepancies with mainstream celebrities, stars, performers, and such like, as I worry about the adverse effect they all have on our society and culture; is contemporary British taste content with (at best) mediocrity? Since when has anyone wanted to watch second-rate dancing on a Saturday night? Is the ability to make jokes a prerequisite of comedy? Should the ability to sing be integral to a music career, or is it subsidiary to other/any-thing else? Is being an extrovert enough to be famous? All these questions don't seem to emerge from the 'average' British spectator. Bearing all this in mind, my biggest annoyance is obviously reality television.

Let's put it another way: I am not interested when my own brother gets a haircut so why would I care about Beckham's? I don't! My interest in David Beckham stretches as far his work on the football pitch (and maybe the post match analysis, if he can muster up enough literacy for a 30 second interview). The same is true of my favourite musicians: if they are bringing out a new album, that is interesting, if they recently broke up with their girlfriend, that is not.

This leads onto another of my aggravations: Stars of yesteryear actually had to do something and their worth is evident as they remain as popular today in spite of being, away from the mainstream (or even dead). I love 'The Who' and also respect 'The Beatles' but there are plenty more examples from previous generations that were as good and will be remembered. Can we really say the same for the current generation? Will our children really be singing along to Cheryl Cole in the future? Mine won’t! Will there be a Calvin Harris version of Singstar? No! Looking beyond the BritPop movement (as this precedes the current celebrity-obsessed cult of today by just a few years) we can only really offer Coldplay and even they are not exactly revolutionary.

Let’s get rid of reality television shows and in my opinion let Ricky Gervais have the primetime slot on Friday or Saturday night, heck let him have every night. I would rather watch reruns of Only Fools and Horses than BBC’s next hit comedy, as it will inevitably be rubbish.

Quality needs no caption.